Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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