theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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