i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Come see our sink grown plant.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
