well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just pee around me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
