the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
