So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dating After Heartbreak
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.