Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over