i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
