i jhust puked up my retainher.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
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i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie