Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse