he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.