Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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