I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
