So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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