you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
