I hate your face
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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