I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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