Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
