I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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