kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
