Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
