I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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