So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
