Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You did what with his pubic hair?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
