It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The uberlube is also flammable
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
