Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
