You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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