I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
