Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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