made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!