what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist