I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
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I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.