I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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