haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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