I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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