so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize