Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
