Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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