id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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