When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
