i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
