What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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