remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
