if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How does one acquire holy water?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
