Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
