i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
