There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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