the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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