I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
