margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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