JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
