Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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