Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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