so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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