I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
