3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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