You work out of a Hotel?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
