I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
