she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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