her vagina looked like bernie madoff
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
