do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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