The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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