I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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