Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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