I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
