you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
